A Disappointing End

The iPhone alarm woke me at 5h00. It was time to go. I had done the big miles yesterday to open up support station options for this day and I had Malekholonyane in mind. The big climbing was over and I was confident in the navigation that lay ahead for the day. The generator was silent, so no electricity. I got out of a warm and cozy bed and it took forever to get dressed in all the layers, it was pretty cold (-7C). My spirit was good and I felt up to the challenge of this day.

Mr Ngcobo was in a deep sleep on top of a double mattress in front of the fire but his crew were ready for me, busy preparing breakfast, bacon and eggs. My appetite wasn’t there and I felt terrible having to leave the crispy bacon on the plate. It took me forever to get myself sorted out, maps, eating, food for the day, filling bottles, organizing my back pack. I am still a bit perplexed to this as I am generally quite well organized but I was just fumbling all over. Some lessons in here for future attempts.

I left around 6h00 into the cold dark, fortunately no wind. I struggled to get my body working so I just turned the pedals over and kept moving forward. About 20 minutes in my hands were just too cold and I stopped to put my crab finger Sealskinz gloves on, they were superb, hands warmed up quickly and I was rolling again. I had noticed that some riders on previous days had taken a shortcut at the sharp right turn and I decided to try the same as it would intersect with the jeep track. I had decided before the race to try some new route options this year and this was one. What appeared to be a nice track ran out very quickly and I was bouncing across the open veld soon enough. A lone Wildebeest was observing my quest. About half way down the valley I lost confidence in the plan and turned back to the known route. About 10 minutes later I could see where I would have joined. Now know what to expect, will use it in 2017.

The jeep track through Ntsikeni Reserve was terrible, I couldn’t find a rhythm and was pushing my bike up pretty much every grassy hill. The pushing over the rough terrain was taking its toll on my body and I started feeling strain on my back. On bad days it feels like a knife stabbing into my back, on most days it’s just fine. I chose to ignore my back, there is no room for such thoughts in a race like this. Even thought the jeep track was pretty clear I was trying to track myself closely on the map and at one point I turned back to retrace and recheck my route. It cost me about 10 minutes just to realize I was correct in the first instance which was rather irritating but I knew this was the right way of doing things. I was looking for the turn to the right to drop down to Politique Kraal but simply just did not see it and ended up against the reserve fence high above the optimal route. Another irritation which cost me probably another 10 minutes as I had to scramble down the ridge to get to the well ridden cattle track. I eventually popped out at Politique after a highly frustrating traverse of the reserve. I had easily wasted 30 minutes being inefficient with the route and it wasn’t helpful if I wanted to get a big day in. From there all went fast down to the gorge crossing. I was caught in two minds at this point. Either drop to the gorge and try and carry my bike out or take the jeep track around and avoid portaging. I decided on the gorge, it was to be a poor decision.

I picked up my bike to carry it across the stream. My back hurt so I pushed it over the rocks. The exit is a steep loose rocky path which really requires the bike to be carried on the back. I lifted my bike onto my back and instantly felt discomfort, to the extent that my hips felt numb. It was a known pain, I feel this every morning when I wake up but it goes away as soon as I get moving. I had felt it before going down Breedtsnek, so bad that I felt like I was going to pass out. I decided to drag pull my bike up the path and took twice as long to get to the path at the top. My back was in trouble and my mind wasn’t strong enough to convince it that it was nothing. I was in a very dark place and there was no obvious way to get myself out of it. A MRI in March had shown a bulging disc on L4/5 to be the cause of this back pain. I had filed this behind a closed door in my mind, it is not helpful nor healthy to keep such doors open when participating in endurance events. I cast my mind ahead and wondered how I would get my bike up the VuVu climb or Lehanas, many thoughts played through my mind. I sat down on the top of the hill to calm myself and allow my thoughts to slow down so I could recompose and re-calibrate. I picked up my bike to check if maybe some rest had helped. It made no difference. My hips and legs went numb with the weight on my back. I had burst a disc in my neck a few years ago on C6/7 which resulted in a most horrific and painful month up to the point where I had a double fusion of the C5/6 and C6/7 vertebrae. I have had no discomfort of my neck since then but having had first hand experience of a burst disc, I did not want to knowingly head down that track again.

I had been on the hill for about 15 minutes wrestling with my thoughts. It was not smart to continue and risk worsening an already problematic and lingering injury. My 2016 Race to Rhodes was over. I had prepared well for this race and for every possible eventuality but I was not prepared for the emotions of such a dramatic decision.

I was overcome with emotions.

The disappointment was overwhelming.

I got on my bike and started crawling towards the tar road to get to a place with a good cell signal so I could inform the race office and my wife. Riding to the road I was overcome with emotions every so often, having put is such a super effort the previous day I was going to have very little to show in the end. I was also quite worried about my back and wondered if I would ever be able to return to this event. Once one allows emotions in during endurance events, there is plenty for them to feed on. I allowed it all to empty out, I’m not one for lingering over disappointment and wanted to get this emotionally painful experience behind me as quickly as possible.

I eventually rolled through to Glenn Edward where I settled in to wait for my wife to pick me up. It was to prove a very special experience in own right.

Post Mortem. I delayed writing this blog for a while. It is today exactly 4 weeks since the Sunday I had to withdraw from Race to Rhodes. The emotions have settled. My back unfortunately hasn’t. I will need a treatment and strengthening regime over the coming months to improve my back issues. I am not worried, we’ll get it fixed.

One thing is guaranteed. I will be back!

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One thought on “A Disappointing End

  1. Carl, my knees went for the 2nd time in my 2nd attempt of the Freedom Challenge. I struggled to walk for weeks afterwards. I got advise from at lot of people (Mike W as well), took a year off from the race and trained differently. When I came back, I was breaking the bikes. So don’t loose hope. Best of luck with the rehab.

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